Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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