I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
