One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
