Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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