then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
