Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
