I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
