i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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