so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
