Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
