u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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