Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
