I wish I only lived at night.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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