i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
