Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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