i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
