Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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