fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
