How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
