i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Randomize
