She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
