Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
