GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
