I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
