Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
