And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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