Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Randomize
