How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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