He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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