Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
