Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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