xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Randomize
