Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
