ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
