My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
You pole danced in your parka.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
