i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
it's not cheating when I paid for it
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
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