thus making me awesome and them whores
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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