Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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