I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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