last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
