I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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