remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
sarcasm needs its own font
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize