Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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