She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
