Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
