I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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