She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I queefed so loud it echoed.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
