I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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