A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
