she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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