these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
