Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
