it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
