at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
