Just mADE A PArabola og urine
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
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