I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
