i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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