hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
