It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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