he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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