you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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