best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
