You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
