I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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