It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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