Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
