we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
