can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
