Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
